“Inside my piece of land”

A friend of mine from Italy introduced this Italian phrase to me (in English). It seems to me to be a wonderful idea. Just like the best ideas, it is both big and small. Small enough to remember, but only the tip of a giant iceberg of possible applications and deeper understanding.

When I am talking to someone, I can be aggressive and intrusive, only talking about myself at the other person, trying to market myself as much as possible, having a definite self serving agenda. This is often lauded as being an ideal, being competitive, having an edge, being smart. But how smart is it to not hear others, not see others, to block out your senses and your heart? It must be a terribly lonely life, full of pain and only offering pain, blocking out all happiness with pain.

Ah, but look at me, here I am talking about others who’s personality bothers me (or is it an aspect of myself?). Am I really staying “inside my piece of land” or am I being intrusive myself? Am I extending out my listening intrusively, or listening and trying to understand as others intrude on me? Where does my “piece of land” end and theirs begin? It is not a simple thing. If I see someone existing in pain and I offer compassion, am I interfering? If their pain intrudes on my boundaries and I am overwhelmed and can’t help them and have to push them away, then I fear I am seen by others as causing this person the pain that they entered my territory with already. But I am limited in resources and have to maintain my piece of land or else it becomes barren, in pain, seeking to invade other lands for relief!

This idea could go on and on. I’d love to hear more from others and I may add on more at a later date.

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4 thoughts on ““Inside my piece of land”

  1. right away i feel that there are times that i have put you in this position, bringing my own problems into your territory. And I can relate to having had others do this to myself as well. It can be difficult not to reach out to someone when feeling down for fear of not bringing my problems into their world; on the other hand, when I am permitted “onto someone else’s land” and I don’t acknowledge the problems that i brought in with myself I feel I am then in denial. And when other people come into my life and try to make their problems mine I don’t like it. Seems when it comes to interacting with others there is always that catch in that if you acknowledge your problems you become a burden in their territory, and if you deny your problems, then you’re kind of fake and they won’t enjoy having you as a visitor for that reason as well. Perhaps this is why I isolate so much, lol.

    • Makes sense to me!! I can isolate myself even in a crowd. Part of the purpose of this blog is to help me undo that habit. We are interdependent. Negotiating that is tricky, and I think for us particularly tricky because of the POP background, which created at least for me, social habits and expectations which are not typical in society as a whole, although there were some positive aspects – the sharing, being together and eating and having a good time, going camping. I liked that stuff, I liked all the being human stuff, but then it stifled being human with everyone else! I’m working to heal from that and I support you in doing the same.

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